There are different kinds of addicts, I guess.
We all have pain, skin deep pain, pain that hurts so bad that even our glassy eyes have learnt to mask what they feel deep inside. perhaps it’s safe to say that glassy eyes are no longer the key to the soul. Addiction?? It’s just a crutch for those of us who find it hard to handle pain.
Every form of addiction is bad no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol, morphine, idealism or porn.
Addiction is a state of compulsion engagement in rewarding behavior despite negative consequences. It isn’t just limited to drugs, alcohol and porn. Knowing you’re an addict is just a step in a journey of a thousand miles. The resolve to abstain and actually go through with it is where the struggle lies. I’ve had the privilege of talking to a person who went through this and would like to share their story
My name is shindara and I’m a porn addict. I’ve battled with porn addiction for 9 years and trust me, it’s a hell of a rollercoaster. My first encounter with sexual content was in TV series called Tudors. My older brother was always quick to send me away from the living room whenever this particular series was on and one day, curiosity got the best of me. I was alone and that day I sat down to watch the show. For a child my age, it was a graphic image that I couldn’t get out of my head for a long time. So I decided to search for that series on Google and it’s funny how my memory never forgot the season and particular episode it was”. A lot of related images and videos appeared and my life spiralled down the line. When I couldn’t get access to a telephone, i began to substitute with graphic novels. I still remember reading ANY WAY YOU WANT ME BY JAMIE SOBRATO. I was just 10 then. At a point, I decided to stop reading romance because I felt like that was the issue, of course I knew there was something wrong with me. But my mind decided to write its own stories which was worse because I couldn’t run away from myself . Telling my parents wasn’t even an option, how could I explain to them that their baby girl had been tainted. Talking to God? I felt filthy every time I stepped into church, still do. But I decided to talk about it to someone one day. And this person made it a duty to call me every day reminding me that I could battle this demon in my head. I also started spending a lot of time with people, stopped reading books for a while and things started to get better. I still have my bad days now and then and I won’t even tell you it’s easy because it isn’t. So whatever your addiction is, Just take things one day at a time and talk to someone, it helps. No one is saying it’s going to be a walk in the park but the first step to finding a solution is actually admitting that you have a problem. Talk to someone about it, it doesn’t even have to be your parents or pastors. Find AA meetings close to you. It’ll get better, I promise you.
All images and quotes from Google. Don’t bottle up your feelings, talk to someone today.