You’ll be here in 8 minutes. I know because you always get home an hour early when you have had a bad day. And today you lost the contract you have been bidding for for months now, it’s a really bad day. The rice is not as soft as you like it and there’s nothing I can do to fix it, the table has to be set before you come in. In my haste to get the groceries and prepare dinner, I forgot to get the power reconnected and now we’ll have dinner with candle light.
Candle lights are only for celebrations. You told me the second time you shoved me into the kitchen cabinet breaking two of my ribs. I know very well how this night will end. With a black eye, bruises here and there, perhaps a few broken ribs and if you’re feeling generous, you just might choke me till I lose consciousness. I know all these because you’ve done it before.
The first time you hit me, it was just reflex. You couldn’t have meant it, you loved me. The next day, you took me shopping and I was convinced that the previous night didn’t happen. I must have pushed you to your limits. But it happened over and over again, each time worse than the last. Till you stopped begging, stopped apologizing.
Why don’t I just leave then?? That’s the question people always ask when I tell them what you do to me. But they don’t know, i tried. I ran miles and miles for hours surviving on water and crackers I stole from a grocery store, yet you found me. With a gun to my head, you told me to get into the car. Knowing you, you would have pulled the trigger if I struggled so I got in.
When we got home, there were broken plates everywhere. This is a very bad sign, you like the house clean and spotless. You dragged me to the top of the stairs and pushed me down. Do you remember what you said, because I do. “Oops, sorry my hand slipped”. I ended up with four broken ribs and I lost my baby. But I was glad, at least I didn’t have to bring another life into this hell I was in.
The hair on my neck stands just as it does when you’re home. My body tenses with tiny tremors running down as I’m about to open the door. I turn around to make sure everything is okay and then I realize I used the wrong dinner set. Fuck my life
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