THE OWANBE

It’s no news that Yoruba people live and breathe parties. Every weekend, it’s either a wedding, funeral, birthday, housewarming or even divorce party as I’ve been noticing. The good thing about owanbes is that you don’t have to be invited. A friend of a friend knows the cousin of the groom? Don’t be shy, dust your Thanksgiving agbádá and your favorite shoe; voila your first mo-gbó-mo-yà.
      To successfully plan an owanbe that would be the talk of town, you need to do the following things. Disclaimer:if it doesn’t work out, I didn’t force you to do anything ooo.

         ASOEBI             Osé jàre, mi ò lóòré òsì

An owanbe without asoebi? Are you even serious at all?? How would one identify the creme de la creme of the party? The elites of the owanbe whose fashion designers studied in Harvard (fashion designer tó lo Harvard, ko easy nau). Your asoebi must not be cheap. If it costs ten thousand naira, tell them its fifty thousand naira. If it’s not expensive, they’ll say it’s not quality and you’re broke. You don’t want that, do you?

     FOOD AND CONSUMPTIONFood should never be enough. The goal is to celebrate with you, not stuff themselves with as much food as they can. How would they be able to dance when it’s time to spray you money?? Think about it. While some of your guests are hoarding rice and indomeeen, other will complain that they haven’t eaten. Plaster a smile on your face, apologize and blame the caterers. Iya Michael must have stolen some packs of rice.

                 SOUVENIR
The motto for the day is : kò ra ànkàrá, kò je sèmó. After refusing to buy your asoebi because she was ‘broke’, Iya Bólá wants to collect souvenirs, she must be a joker😂😂. If she was a true friend, she’d hustle for the money. Make sure you share everything in her presence and if she says “you haven’t given me”. Tell her you thought you did, apologize and promise she’ll be the first to collect souvenirs at your next owanbe. Both of us know you’re lying though, you won’t invite her.

If after these free tips, your owanbe still flops, don’t even bother again. Enjoy your status as a guest and know people.

Images and gifs from Google andKemi Adetiba’s “the wedding party” and “king of boys”

LOVE ME NOW

Hold my hands and together we’ll walk through the fiery flames. Swimming in endless oceans of whatever life throws your way but with me, it would feel like a walk in the park.

Those words made me fall in love with you. I would admit, when you slid into my dm, I was expecting the regular pick up line. I was even prepared to give you a befitting reply. But you, oh darling you, you were a force to be reckoned with. I still think of how amused I was when I saw those words. At first I thought, did he steal this off the internet?? And I searched, I just had to make sure.

After hours of wasted efforts trying to prove that your words were plagiarized, I let myself see a glimmer of hope. Perhaps you weren’t like the others, you did seem different. Nothing like the men who had waltzed in and out of my life and trampled on my heart on their way out. I was convinced this was a sign. A new beginning for me, finally a chance to start over. My life was spiralling out of control and you were placed in my path to remind me that if I could just try again, I would have something worth fighting for.

And so I wrote back, eagerly waiting for your response. Turns out the message was just a prank. I laughed it off, tried to pretend that I knew. I even said I did this all the time. I was pulling your legs, I said. But deep inside my heart broke. Just when I thought someone nice were finally looking my way, fate decides to play a cruel joke on me. As I sit on the edge of the bridge I wonder, why did you have to be the catalyst?

LIVE AND GRIEF

Experiencing loss made me realize that nothing prepares you for the overwhelming emotions and emptiness that accompanies it. No amount of “I’m sorry for your loss” could have prepared me for this moment. The reality dawned on me when I walked into your room without knocking and you weren’t there to shout at me. I saw something funny on Twitter days ago and I called out to you but you didn’t respond. The echo of my voice was enough to remind that you weren’t coming back.

For every time I told someone I’m sorry for your loss, I realize now that you can’t fully comprehend loss until you experience it. Now I know better,even when a character in a movie dies, I’m reminded of you. Yesterday at the Supermarket, I heard your name and I turned around. I knew you were gone but still would it hurt to have seen you behind me saying “suprise, did you really think you were going to be rid of me?”

Your smell left the house just weeks after you left. I tried to get the same fragrance you liked but even in death, you outsmarted me. The fragrance was already out of stock and I had to wait. Some days are harder than others. I breathe in what I thought was air but I can only smell my misery and loneliness. I’ve thought about what you would want me to do and certainly it isn’t to put my life on pause. I’m choosing the next best option for me: live and grief.

Remember it’s okay to grief but to stop living because of it doesn’t do the dead any justice. Live and grief, don’t just be alive.

Image gotten from Google.

BATTLING WITH ADDICTION

There are different kinds of addicts, I guess.
We all have pain, skin deep pain, pain that hurts so bad that even our glassy eyes have learnt to mask what they feel deep inside. perhaps it’s safe to say that glassy eyes are no longer the key to the soul. Addiction?? It’s just a crutch for those of us who find it hard to handle pain.

Every form of addiction is bad no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol, morphine, idealism or porn.

Addiction is a state of compulsion engagement in rewarding behavior despite negative consequences. It isn’t just limited to drugs, alcohol and porn. Knowing you’re an addict is just a step in a journey of a thousand miles. The resolve to abstain and actually go through with it is where the struggle lies. I’ve had the privilege of talking to a person who went through this and would like to share their story

My name is shindara and I’m a porn addict. I’ve battled with porn addiction for 9 years and trust me, it’s a hell of a rollercoaster. My first encounter with sexual content was in TV series called Tudors. My older brother was always quick to send me away from the living room whenever this particular series was on and one day, curiosity got the best of me. I was alone and that day I sat down to watch the show. For a child my age, it was a graphic image that I couldn’t get out of my head for a long time. So I decided to search for that series on Google and it’s funny how my memory never forgot the season and particular episode it was”. A lot of related images and videos appeared and my life spiralled down the line. When I couldn’t get access to a telephone, i began to substitute with graphic novels. I still remember reading ANY WAY YOU WANT ME BY JAMIE SOBRATO. I was just 10 then. At a point, I decided to stop reading romance because I felt like that was the issue, of course I knew there was something wrong with me. But my mind decided to write its own stories which was worse because I couldn’t run away from myself . Telling my parents wasn’t even an option, how could I explain to them that their baby girl had been tainted. Talking to God? I felt filthy every time I stepped into church, still do. But I decided to talk about it to someone one day. And this person made it a duty to call me every day reminding me that I could battle this demon in my head. I also started spending a lot of time with people, stopped reading books for a while and things started to get better. I still have my bad days now and then and I won’t even tell you it’s easy because it isn’t. So whatever your addiction is, Just take things one day at a time and talk to someone, it helps. No one is saying it’s going to be a walk in the park but the first step to finding a solution is actually admitting that you have a problem. Talk to someone about it, it doesn’t even have to be your parents or pastors. Find AA meetings close to you. It’ll get better, I promise you.

All images and quotes from Google. Don’t bottle up your feelings, talk to someone today.

MOTIVATION OR PRESSURE ?

Few days ago, I had the opportunity to talk to someone I considered my competition in my high school years and I came to the realization that one of the reasons why we were constantly at each other’s throats was due to pressure. It was so bad that if I was given an opportunity to give a speech during my valedictory service, I’d have mentioned her name among those that didn’t want me to succeed(just like Sheldon Cooper wanted to

Our conversation made me realize that the so-called motivation we got from our family and teachers put us understand a lot of pressure and we felt the constant need to impress and outdo each other. It was always ‘seyi, I know you’re better than anifowoshe, you just need to work harder’. They probably thought it was motivation but then it just makes me wonder how do you know when to draw the line between motivating your ward or putting them under pressure?

When will parents, teachers and guardians realize that there are better ways to make a child want to be better than the usual “you are better than that girl” or “why did you come second, does Ada have two heads?” When will you realize that you don’t have to remind me of how much I have failed you and disgraced the family because each time I look in the mirror, that’s all I see? I know you might say, there’s nothing wrong if you want your child to be the next Obama but then don’t make their goals and aspirations suddenly become burdens to them simply because you want a version 2.0 of yourself. I need everyone to take a step back and start by actually listening to that person, don’t just strut into their lives and remind of how far behind they are in life and what you feel they need to do. Your opinions aren’t needed all the time but your listening ear is

BEING A MALE IN MODERN NIGERIA

Before we embark on this life changing experience, let it be held that I am NOT a male. Everything that’s going to be discussed here is purely based on the experiences of friends and aquaintances of mine.

Expressing yourself in anything short of manly is an abberation. Too much words and you’re seen as too weak. Nobody likes a man that talks too much.

It’s not just about being a male or female, it’s about being human. Everyone deserves to express themselves how they want to and when they went to. Life is hard enough, let’s not complicate things with gender wars. And just like the hunger games, may the odd ever be in your favor.

Taking a random walk down a lonely path lost in your thoughts isn’t an option at all. You wouldn’t want to scare the young girl walking ahead who keeps glancing over her shoulders with a slight change in her steps.

Considering a relationship when you don’t have shingbain. You better wake up from that silly dream and hustle( no one wants to wait in surulere, everyone wants olorunsogo).

Losing your virginity to aunty bola down the road at the age of 11???(it wasn’t rape, you’re now a real man).

Depression

When I was younger, I found it hard to connect with people and I still do. Though now I joke around a lot that it’s hard to realize I’m not a people person. The fact is that depression doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re sad and sullen all the time. Sometimes we see people who always seem to happy and wonder how they do it. It’s actually funny that it’s just a defence mechanism. During my junior year in high school, it was pretty obvious I was so deep in the gallows and I wasn’t ready to get help. Constant thought of suicide plagued my mind and writing was my only relief. I would sit alone all day and just wish for a moment when I could get away from everyone. I used to tell myself that dying was like a means to an end. But I know better now, suicide isn’t the answer. I was glad to meet someone who made it his mission to pull me from the deep dark blue sea I was in. Not everyone has that person and I understand how hard it feels knowing that no one understands you. It’s like you wish they could get inside your mind and know that you’re not a whiny child seeking attention. The pattern that worked for me was channeling my energy to something I loved; writing. For you, it could be painting, dancing, singing. Whatever it is, do something that brings peace and serenity to you.